It 's the third week of class and life is getting back to normal. Well as normal as college life can get. A clear sign of this is the fact that I'm late as usual. I'll probably be late to my own funeral. Actually, I've made provisions in my will for just such a case. If I'm late they can go ahead without me. And just a note for those of you who might like to attend my relatives are holding my wake at 10:30 next Saturday. I hear the food will be good. But on a more serious note, I suffer from a potentially deadly disease. I often feel that it will be the end of me. Just yesterday, I was standing in front of the secretary of the psychology department, close to tears. To be honest it has taken me years to admit that I had this disease. I've never been a sympathy seeker but since I have this column I thought I should be honest with my readers. Chronic Lateness Syndrome. Now I realize it may not sound so dangerous but for those other sufferers, you know how potentially lifethreatening being half an hour late can be. And for those of you who don't believe this is a real disease, trust me, it is. I could go into the medical explanation but I'm afraid I'd lose some of my readers. Please understand, even if I do leave enough time to be on time, some greater power has determined that this will never happen. Point and case, in high school, I suffered from Chronic Lateness Syndrome, and because people who don't suffer ridicule those who do, I did my best to keep it quiet. I found talking to the school counselor about "other problems" was an excellent solution. I got into class with a slip that excused my lateness. It took her nearly three months to discover what I really suffered from, and as I said before those who don't suffer from it don't understand. I was therefore no longer allowed to visit her before class, but instead had to go to class first. Well to make a long story short, I was late so many times after this that if I was late one more time, I'd have to repeat the school year. And so it was with much difficulty that I left 20 minutes early. However, due to a train wreck I was still late. And this proves my point, Chronic Lateness Sufferers, cannot be on time. That higher power has determined it so. And back to my story about the secretary. I was running late for class, and when I arrived no one was there. Because I was late to the previous class and my professor had mentioned wanting to move to Rogers-Stout instead of the health building, I assumed that I had missed the announcement. I was upset and felt guilty about being late and having screwed up. In general I'm a screw up but that's a story for another day. So I ended up in the psychology department in near tears from guilt and embarrassment, trying to find out where my teacher was located. And to be honest I had no reason to feel guilty, my lab had run over, so I had a reason to be late, but as I have said I'm a chronic sufferer. Of course after the initial confusion of trying to find the class it was concluded that it was still in the health building, on the third floor, where it had always been. I'd gone to the second floor.

You Can Get There on Time

When the Toronto Star asked 1,000 executives nationwide to recount the best excuses that they had heard from tardy employees, one told of a chronically late woman whose excuses grew increasingly incredible.

"One morning, more than two hours late, she called to explain that she'd awakened to discover two male window washers on scaffolding outside her bedroom window," he said. "Because she slept nude, she said, she was waiting for them to leave before she could get up and come to work."

CURES FOR TIREDNESS

Her boss may have been somewhat amused by "Can you top that?" excuses, but yours may not. If you're chronically late and running out of excuses for your tardiness, you might try the following:

Apologize. If you're going to be late to your next meeting, plan to beg forgiveness. "If they don't know you well, apologize profusely and then get on with the business at hand," says Sandra Loucks, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville and the University of Tennessee Medical Center. "If they know you, and this isn't the first time that you've been late, say, 'I have a problem with being on time, and I'm really working on it. Please forgive me, and know that I don't mean to be rude.'"

Analyze yourself. Try to figure out what's making you run late. While the supply of excuses for chronic lateness is infinite, the reasons are few.

Sometimes we miss deadlines because we underestimate how long projects will take, we get distracted and lose track of time, or we are unrealistic about our limitations and end up overbooking ourselves.

Draw a time line. If you underestimate how long things take, break down a task into its component parts and figure out how long each part actually takes you, says Camille Lloyd, Ph.D., professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the University of Texas Medical School at Houston. Be realistic--draw on past experience. Say that you need to be at work by 9:00 a.m. sharp. If you need a half-hour to read the paper, 20 minutes to shower and dress, 15 minutes to eat breakfast and 45 minutes for the commute, set your alarm for 7:00 a.m.

Time yourself. If you tend to lose track of time and forget to put the paper down after half an hour, set the alarm so that it goes off at again at 7:30 a.m., reminding you to hop in the shower, says Lenora Yuen, Ph.D., a psychologist in Palo Alto, California and co-author of Procrastination.

Set priorities. If you tend to try and accomplish too much in too little time--say, you start washing the dishes five minutes before you need to leave for the airport--chances are that you'll get a late start. "Recognize that you can't do everything," says Dr. Yuen. "Ask yourself what's really important and do that." The dishes will wait. The plane won't.

Watch the clock. Overbooking can easily make you late for appointments. On those occasions when you have no choice but to schedule appointments close together, be diligent about finishing each one on time. "When you arrive at each one, say, 'I wish I could spend more time today, but I absolutely have to leave at such-and-such time,'" says Dr. Loucks. "That way, when the time comes, everyone has been forewarned. You can leave early without feeling rude."

Just say no. If you always overbook, don't try to cram more obligations into an already tight schedule. "Women tend to be very responsive to other people's needs and have a harder time saying no when asked to do things," says Dr. Loucks. But saying yes to everything is self-defeating: Chronic lateness makes you look disorganized, inefficient and less competent, says Dr. Lloyd.

Kill time. If you habitually arrive late because you hate to be kept waiting yourself, imagine how you would feel if you were sitting there staring at your watch, says Dr. Yuen. Arrive on time and bring a book, magazine or stationery with you. That way, if you do end up waiting, you can use the time to read or catch up on correspondence.